The Beauty Lesson
I still fume when I remember a boy in my 5th-grade science class. That was a very long time ago. I was shy and silent at that age and everything bothered me. My mom had moved my sisters and I away from Indianapolis to Detroit after she and my dad got a divorce. It made me sad and angry to leave my dad and other relatives here.
A mean boy told me one day that my hair was dirty. At the time, I didn’t care about hair or clothes because I was too young and depressed. When he told me that, I went home and scrubbed my hair VERY hard and soaked in the tub in steaming hot water for an hour. I poured some of my mom’s perfume, Evening in Paris, in my wet hair and went to bed. The next morning, I brushed it 100 times because I’d read that in Good Housekeeping magazine. It was so shiny! He sat next to me. I wanted to sit somewhere else, but the teacher wouldn’t let the students change seats. The boy sneered at me and didn’t complement me, but he did tell me I should use curlers. My hair was stringy, according to his opinion. What did I do that night? Of course, I curled my hair! I borrowed Mom’s brush curlers and fastened them to my head. I slept in them and tossed and turned all night because the pain in my scalp was so bad. I took them out slowly because that was the advice from Redbook magazine. I combed gently and applied tons of hairspray. The next day, that boy didn’t compliment my curly hair.
He insulted me even more when he told me I had fat lips. I used to have full lips, a lot fuller than I have as an adult, especially now as an older women. If I showed you my school picture from that year, you would see what I mean. Anyway, the boy laughed at me, and even pointed at me to the other kids. That night I practiced ways to make my lips smaller; keeping them closed and not talking to anyone, covering them with several layers of Mom’s foundation and keeping my head turned away from him.
He insulted me in many ways. According to him, I didn’t have any breasts. I was a bit confused about that one because I was obviously a girl. I went home and asked Mom to buy me a bra but she didn’t have the money. I put one of hers on and stuffed it with socks and toilet paper to make them “big”. No compliments from him, of course. I endured suffering from him about my body until Mom decided to move back home at Christmas. I never had to sit by him again.
“A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.” Coco Chanel
I thought about him the other day, and I don’t know why. Maybe it was when I washed my hair and used the curling iron. Hurt lasts a long, long time. Those people who were abused when they were younger make me feel sympathy with them. I secretly rejoice when the bad guys get outed. But those celebrities and so-called important people escape to sex-addiction clinics with equine therapy, yoga, gourmet meals, and other luxuries at the $30,000 six week stay. Six weeks to ride horses and have aromatherapy massages? Baloney! Caca in Spanish.
Now many people are coming out of the woods to bring the evil to light, and it is evil when somebody assaults a person sexually, emotionally and physically. Words can hurt. I wish I would have said something to my Mom or a teacher about that boy.
And I wish I could have told someone about abuse at my jobs as an adult. That is another story…
Kay Castaneda
Kay Castaneda is retired from a career as a college English instructor in Indiana. She received a B.A. and M.A. from Indiana University. Her articles about education and sociology are included in Sage Publication’s Education and Society Reference Book. Her poetry and creative nonfiction have been published in literary journals. Kay is currently researching the history of Ireland and Scotland for a novel based on her ancestors, in addition to editing her poetry manuscript. Kay’s hobbies include reading biographies, memoirs, traveling and baking.
10 Comments
Judith Barrow
This brought back so many memories from my childhood. Yes, hurt can last decades. But used in your writing, your stories – can bring some comfort, I think.
Kay Castaneda
Writing can be helpful in dealing with life experiences. Memories, both good and bad, provide inspiration for my stories and poetry. Yes some hurt never goes away. Thanks for your comments, Judith. 🙂
petespringer
The old saying about sticks and stones is a bunch of rubbish. Words can hurt just as much as actions. While the teacher may not have been aware of the boy’s actions, she should have created an environment where students were comfortable speaking up about their problems. I periodically moved students throughout the school year, depending on the behaviors of the kids.
Kay Castaneda
Hi Pete, Thanks for your comment. It was the first week of the fall semester. I felt invisible in the large class. This was a long time ago at a huge public school in inner city Detroit. I may be older than you! The teachers probably didn’t give attention to any students. It was like one of those movies you see about schools with 1,000-2,000 students or more. The elementary and high school were combined. My younger sister and I attended the school about 2 months until Mom moved us back to Indianapolis when she realized it was a mistake. My sister was in 2nd grade. It sounds like you were a very good teacher! 😊
DG Kaye
Poignant telling here Kay. It’s sad how easily influenced we can be to fit in when we’re young. You were haunted by this boy who had nothing but negative to say and allowing him to make you feel insecure. I wish all girls could learn sooner to never appease the bullies just to try and fit in. I’ve been there myself. In this era, I sure hope moms are helping to build their daughter’s self-esteem. That surely wasn’t a thing in my upbringing. 😘
Kay Castaneda
Young people can also be negatively influenced by someone they like or admire. I think of things that happened when I was in my teens and twenties and they could have turned out much worse. Peer pressure is a hundred times worse now I think. The internet is full of evil people pressuring young kids to self-harm and even hurt their parents, siblings and pets.
Kay Castaneda
Thanks for reading my post, Debby! 😊
robbiesinspiration
Hi Kay, I am sad to read this story about this mean boy. I had similar bad experiences with kids during my school career for different reasons, but no less hurtful. I try to always be kind to people.
Kay Castaneda
It’s a mystery to me why some people hurt others! All babies are innocent when they’re born so what happens? I try to be kind also. Some things are hard to forget whether it’s something minor or a major trauma.
Kay Castaneda
Thanks for reading my story, Robbie. 🥰